Posted by Sari
First week after the chemo session is now over, and it is starting to sink in how much the cancer affects how we live. When the diagnosis was made, there was such a sense of acute danger that we were just focussing on the day Jukka goes to the hospital and after that when he gets off. Now we are more able to think the months ahead, trying to restructure our lives in a completely different rythm than previously, and that is surprisingly difficult. After all, we are both more or less used to the freelance-life where we sleep long and stay up late if we feel like it and share the cooking and cleaning duties and do them when they just can't be avoided. Now the housework has to be done promptly, meals must be on time and we must be up in the morning so he takes his medication in time.
My bedside manner also sucks big time, and always has. I can nag about drinking enough, I can cook and clean and remember to take his shots out of the fridge in time for them to warm before he needs to take them, but empathy for someone elses pain just is beyond me. I just offer two paracetamols and water. Well, at least this has made absolutely chrystal clear that we made the right decision not to have children: if taking care of housework and one adult is this much work, I don't think I could have coped with children whose fears and responses are from adult point of view irrational and attention span much shorter.
The patient himself is still tired, but all the bloodwork has been good and the feeling of nausea seems to be passing. New problem though was that the doctor decided to start him on a course of Neupogen which is supposed to help to boost the production of white blood cells in his bone marrow. The drawback is that the side effects include some really intense bone and muscle pain. And I mean really intense.
In other news, we have been watching a lot of movies. Sodhberg's Solaris wasn't half bad, though maybe a bit aimless and reminded me a bit too much of 2001. My Big Fat Greek Wedding was cute, but the story did not really carry through. The cancer (unfortunately?) has not affected Jukka's taste in movies: he loved Dude where is my Car. Most I can say about it is that it was not nearly as bad as The Count of Monte Cristo which at the moment ranks as the worst film I have ever seen. It is just irredeemably bad without tha camp element that makes some really bad films actually watchable. I was hoping to push my copy to the brother-out-law because it has sword fights, but apparently even those are atrociously badly executed, so that plan is a no go. I think I am just going to use it as a coaster. The shiny side up.