Eating Muffins in an Agitated Manner

Ephraim Kishon

Posted by jukkahoo

The skating season is taking a brief break between EuroChamps and Worlds. Thus there is obviously time for something different?

Unfortunately the latest isn't too jolly. Ephraim Kishon has died at the age of 80.

The author of Paratiisi vuokrattavana, Merisairas valas and Hullu perhe, or as I liked to all him The Funniest Man Ever. Born Hungarian, he moved to Israel in 1949 having survived Holocaust (he escaped from a train to Sobibor death camp) and became soon Israel's leading humorist. He wrote thousands of satirical columns that portrayed the everyday life of the new state, constantly on the verge of war, or warring. He was hugely popular in Germany. His son Rafi (who is a doctor! Little Rafi!) told, that his father viewed his success in Germany as "a great feeling, that the children of my hangmen are my admirers." I'll say.

I first read his book (must've been the Hullu perhe ie. My Family Right or Wrong) in late 70's. It came out in Finnish in 1978 and I pretty much grabbed as-good-as-new copy from the library some time later. It wasn't particularily tempting cover-wise, nor was a name like Ephraim Kishon a sign of must-have-entertainment, but probably the words "The most famous humorist in the world" that begin the backpage blurb were sufficiently alluring enough.

It all starts with the birth of Little Rafi. It's madcap mayhem from the word go (or "Sinä" meaning "that" in this instance). It's funny, it's delirious, it's almost stream of consciousness. And I loved it. The whole book is more or less brilliant, a collection of various unbelievable (yet believable enough, that you can see the possibly Real event behind all this screwball comedy of errors) family-related happenings. It has that Forsythe-story and the Babysitter-story and the Bar Mitzvah -story etc.

Shalom!

Men's Short Programme

Here we go: Experimentation in pseudo-live blogging. Polvinen sisters are sitting in Mekku’s living room with a broad-band connection and watching men’s short programme.

Warm-up group 3:
Welcome to Studio 54.. (or some such..) Gheorge boogies to 70’s cool. Nice development with step sequences and spins, but mistakes on jumps. Urbas seemed like a 70’s throwback skating to 80’s music (Phantom) – what is this retro-virus going around? Again, problems with jumps but spins better than before, steps not so much so. Lukas Rakowski: Again, excellent spins and clean jumps this time, but boy does the boy need more presence. But I doubt his performance score will be much lower than his technical as the judges still won’t differentiate properly between the points they give for skating skill and artistic expression. (Hah! Interpretation was his highest mark…) Danilchenko: what we noticed most was dear old Zagorodniuk in a Zorro-beard… Ahem. Too much content packed in the beginning of the programme, and the problem with Zorbas as a music to skate to is that you are very likely to look slow, as the music is SO fast. As did Vitaly.

Warm-up group 4:
Young italian guy, Paolo Bacchini, skating to Pink Floyd: waxel,  OMG He did a Midori! And he is all bloody, hurt his hand the poor thing. Props for guts though. I think he has good basic jumping technique, his spins are centered but a bit slow… Viktor Pfiefer from austria in gold-net shirt skating to Cirque du Soleil very clean jumps, nice triple toe to lutz, high and clean. Speed dies a bit towards the end. And that shirt, Carson would think that is too gay… Trifun Zivanovic! Good old Trifun, Yank turned Serbian. And Carmen. I was waiting for Carmen. Ther must always be Carmen. It is a rule. And saved the axel after botching the combo. Lutz was from steps… They must have hired the same Luigi guy who made such a mess of Ice Hockey in Lugano in 1994. Show us feet or show us the whole body but why show us empty ice with an occasional elbow… And we continue with a rent-a-russian, Roman Serov of Israel. Some romantic music with beat in the backround. That must explain the puffy sleaves with glowy stripes. Nice entry to the combospin in the end… Little Stephane the spinmaister: a waxel! awwww. Yes, the first quad of the evening and in combo too. And this is defenitely in a different class from everybody we have seen so far. Gorgeus spins! And the change of foot in that spin! How does he do it? I am going to forget the waxel and just drool over the rest of the program… Next up, the little hobbit, Lindemann of Germany. Last year’s program. He even looks a bit like Dom with those sideburns. Fell out of quad, otherwise clean but not that special. We think his transitions should be much lower than Stephane’s.

Warm-up 5:
Kristoffer – boy-next-door: Fought for a triple axel, well-done, but double-footed his lutz. Again hung on like grim death on his flip. Nice entry into sit spin, but otherwise unremarkable coreography. Plushy.. Plushy! Turn in the combo but otherwise clean – a bit of a battle with the landing of the axel as well. No bielman but spins quicker than before – plus the haircut: a definite improvement! And Mishin almost smiled… Dobrokhodov. Get a new tailor. Oh dear. Nyah is a bit of a corageous choice for music after Kurt and Plushy – and by God he does a Bielmann too!  So a Plushy-wannabe, down to the costume. OK he is very tall, so jumps are particularly tricky. Fell on lutz and had a rather embarrasingly bum-up sit spin. Juan from Spain: fell on all the jumps and speed dies totally towards the end. Hm. Zzzzzzz. Only seventeen, though. Babu is the devil, we think. Dresses like one, at least. Only a double tl in combo. OK axel and great flip but still has to work on spins and linking steps, and still has trouble developing speed in steps without running on toes. Straight-line finished with good one-foot turns and the final combo spin begun neatly backwards. Leads, but shouldn’t. John Hamer: nice jump technique and Michael Weiss blades on his skates. Combo double lutz triple toe. Does the heel-spread-eagle during the step sequence and comes down nice and low in the sit spin but camels are shapeless.

Warm-up group 6:
Kevin VDP scates techno.  Stadion techno. He has exit in his back. Don’ ask me why. Not enough energy for the music but cleaner than usual. Apparently he hurt his back in rehearsal and skates with painkillers… Sergei Davidov scates to Bolero, oh no. Isn’t it enough that the Kween skates to it. At least this is fun-ky version it has “you really got me” mixed in it.  Weird, very weird. So weird that I did not much concentrate on skating… EEEE! Murvy! And Is Zhulin his coregrapher or coach, even? He is very bluesy, Murvy, not Sasha. Great axel from almost standstill. Salchow combo, I wonder if he has been rehearsing quad? Because his solo was supposed to be Lutz not quad-toe he has been doing (or trying). Dang, he is nice towatch but his jumps let him down again. Maciej Kus from Poland skating to Cirque du Soleil. He is all snakey and oriental. Actually pretty good music choice for him, very juniorish but not bad, maybe next year. AP goes Tango. problems with the toe after lutz, fought for the flip, nice tangoey steps, slow spins, and did he jump axel somewhere? Yay, he got into the long program, well done. And the show closes with ponytail-wearing turkish skater! He is my new favourite, does not matter how he skates - go him and Tugba! Okay, he is not that great. But come on, a skater from Turkey, with a pony-tail. He should get points for just that. But he is last, poor Alper.

Well, that is it. Not very high quality, no clean skates at the top. And Gwendal is being really Bitchy in the interview.

GAWD!

Tennis. How much do I hate tennis at the moment. Loose it already Hewitt!

Skateblogging!

It's that time of year again. Skating widowers close your ears. European championships are this year in Turin as a sort of rehearsal for olympics. Most noteworthy thing this year, is of course the new judging system. No more numbers-as-placeholders, no more OBO or factored placements. The new system is basebal fan's wet dream: statistics, decimals and averages as far as eye can see. summary of the details can be seen here

Basically there are good and bad things about the new system. It is still vunerable to manipulation, beacuse the component scores can be fiddled with quite as easily as in the old 6.0 system. It focuses on elements instead of the whole program and might well discourage innovation as new moves won't necessarily get enough credit. The sekrit judging still stinks, and as judges are still uder the control of their federations, the pressure to vote certain way is still there.

Also, one person, the technical specialist wields enrmous power. It is he who decides what grade often difficulty a certain move is. There are guidelines, but even so, one technical specialists level three spin is another's level two spin. And the specialists are not judges but other skating pros which usually means ex skaters and/or coaches. Which means conflicts of interest galore.

On the plus side, the new system has defenitely made skaters focus on other elements beside jumps. For exemple, the amount of thought and difficulty in the spiral sequences in yesterdays pairs' short was staggering compared to your usual boring pair spirals. The component score also gives judges a chance to reward skaters in those particular areas they might be better than others. There is a different score for skating skills, choreography, performance etc. So if your skating skills ar magnificent, but coreography crap, that can be reflected in the scores. Unfortunately, judges haven't so far utilised this very well.

As for the competition yesterday, nothing much to complain about the results. I would have given Obertas/Slavnov higher scores than judges, and was really taken with Germany's new pair. It was like watching Woetzel/Steuer reincarnated. Not that surprising as Ingo is their coach. As for Ice Dance, Golden Waltz is an excelent compulsary which really separates the wheat from chaff. Again, I don't think Navkamarovs were that much better, they had flow and speed and edges but I thought unison could have been better.

Taxi

Posted by jukkahoo

I have just returned home from the latest insta-Marvin experiment. It was OK'ish occasion with ensuing hilarity the later it got and more alcohol was imbibed. I don't really think we actually "made" an ish, but a fair try nevertheless. We (as in Vesa and I) we're the Last Defenders of Camelot, as he cleverly lured me into staying my welcome. Thus i was forced to take a cab. Which turned into a little adventure.

Wait, you haven't heard it yet. When I say little, I mean little.

Here's the thing: The queue was somewhat long-looking but actually a rather short one as I did get a cab fairly soon. Only I realised soon that I wasn't alone in the car. This blonde, squiggly-haired woman had decided that for some reason this was her taxi. Despite my utterances of: "she's not with me" and "can't you make her leave?", the driver just sat quietly, doing nothing. I could've stepped out, but I was tired and just wanted to go home. I asked from the lady, where she was going. "Siilitie."

Great. As in not even near Casa Tali, but pretty much the opposite side of Helsinki. More coaxing, less action. She stayed, the driver did nothing. So I said "home address" and away we went.

She kept muttering to herself. Curse, foul, four-letter. "Wherearewe? Wherearewegoingto?" (perhaps)

By the time we arrived at Casa Tali, she was muttering more, apparently about how the world is a shitty place and everything is pretty much f***ed up. Indeed. I took my purse and counted a sum to the next full € and proclaimed: "Here's the money. Either I pay to this (nimcompoop) driver the lot, or I give you this and you can continue your merry way. OK?" The last was more or less pointed towards the driver, who nodded vaguely and may have even mumbled something positive. I didn't care.

I stepped out and headed home. As I said, not very exciting.

Yesterday was also the birthday of Robert E. Howard. Happy 99th, Bob!

First year in remission

Posted by jukkahoo

The dreaded moment I had been anticipating and waiting with restlesness was over almost before I had time to say respond: "I'm fine". Not a bang of any kind, not even a whizz. Just a short meeting with doctor Number six(?, not really sure, I did remember her as one of the last ones): "everything is fine, all the results are great and the pictures look normal".

A sigh of relief, turning into a near cardiac arrest with: "This first year is of course the tough one, when lymphoma most likely returns, but the next two years are also very important, as we need to be sure that it doesn't renew itself". I knew all of this, but the way she said it all just got me off-guard.

This year, my check-ups will be every four months (late May the next one). We had a wee chat and after I had told her about my sleeplesness (between my tests and the meeting), she wrote me a prescription for sleeping pills. Now I can sleep whenever I want to (as he wrote, while realising that it was already over 2AM...).

So I'm fine. Again. Needless worrying and all that. I'm just a very happy, healthy man.

Monday

Posted by jukkahoo

My Gawd! It's Monday morning and I'm awake! Must be the fact that my internal clock is seriously malfunctioning. And that I have a meeting with my doctor this Thursday. I seem to have developed this habit recently, as I remember having this very same problem last time too. It has everything to do with the expectations. I really want my results to be good. I don't think that I fretted this much about my condition after the initial diagnosis. When I was receiving chemo et al, I was apprehensive about the specific treatment (no picnic, as you may well guess/remember from my notes), but not this nervous about them. Worrying is pretty nasty.

As to good stuff, I went to the Tuomiokirkko and listened to Haydn's Creation with me Mum. I'm not the most classically-tuned in our family, but I like choral works well (he said, wishing that this oratorio is one...). This was no exeption, other than I really could've done without the soprano. She was probably very good (my mother said so and she knows), but the sound of a woman screaming is just... well, not my cup of tea. I liked the bass (Esa Ruuttunen) a lot. Apparently German ought to be sung by low-register males.

And then I read this great juvenile, but am unable to talk about it. It has yet to be released in English, but I sure liked to see this one translated. Very good indeed.

Lord of the Rings query

Being incurable nerds we spent one (or two or three...) evenings in our extremely comfy log cabin at Levi arguing about the merits of Peter Jackson's LotR movies. Most of us, that is. Taru just watched our nitpicking baffled, Lauri was too young to be yet indoctrinated and the dogs did not really care one way or the other as long as there were cardboard wraps for them to destroy. The rest of us threw ourselves into the discussion wholeheartedly, aided with all sorts of alcholic beverages.

Numerous opinions were presented and their merits debated in friendly but extremely professional manner, nobody was physically assaulted and a consensus emerged that the movies, though flawed and different from our visions, were all-in-all a valid, lovingly crafted interpretation of Prof. Tolkien's saga.

But as at present during these discussions were a former chairperson, former vice-chairperson, two former treasurers, one former secretary and a former general éminence grise of the Finnish Tolkien Society, we each had pet peeves about the movies, some minor some major. Inspired by this here is a mission for you: name one thing you think the movies failed with abysmally and one thing they succeeded triumphantly.

Be specific, not something like "actors" or "battles", but specific characters, interpretations, scenes, sets etc. And yes you can only pick one of each. Be as silly and irrelevant and fanboyish as you wish. This is not about being fair and balanced, this is about being FOX-news: get on the barricades for your insignificant detail or major reinterpretation that for some stupid reason just annoys your fanboy/fangirl sensibilities and screw reasonability. It does not matter that that the movie logic might have demanded the change or that the new interpretation works well enough or in a way better; if you don't like it you don't like it.

Me first.
Abysmal failure: Aragorn. Yes really. The Aragorn of the books was not an angsty modern man who went through character-forming changes and grew up to be a king during the events depicted in the books. What he was, was a an almost hundred years old king-in-waiting abiding his time, he had learned what he needed and made the choices he had long before the narrative begins. He was a hero in the mold of Beowulf, not Henry V.

triumphant success: Mines of Moria. From the moment they enter the mines to the moment Boromir says "They've got a cavetroll", they do not put foot wrong. The sets, the dialogue, the music, the pacing. It just works like a dream.

Okay, your turn.

Back at Home

Posted by jukkahoo

"Look, the SUN!"

Levi was a very nice place to visit. Hullu Poro is apparently the place to be, but we managed just to visit the restaurant and eek! at the prices on the Menu. Valkea vaadin was more agreeable (and Hehku was even better), though a lot could be said about the size of the dessert I got. (Where's the photo, Jaakko?) The lamb was succulent. We missed Teemu Selänne and his cronies at Hullu Poro, but I managed to spot Nolla-Kojo at plane on the way back home.

Lots of snow and surprisingly decent weather for the whole of the week. It was cold when we landed in Kittilä International Airport (-17C), but after that it was mostly -2 to -10. Naturally the coldest days were also the days when I mostly ventured away from our cottage. As I was skiless, I was happy just to loiter around the house and take an occasional trek to downtown Levi. Seriously expensive beer here.

And it was dark. Sun supposedly came up around 10AM, but mostly it was far too cloudy to see any of it. Around 2PM it was almost dark again. Taru drove us to the top of mount Levi at the penultimate day and lo! and behold! - there it was, the sun - setting behind the mighty trees of British Colum... horizon, colouring the beautifully white vista of frozen North into a la(r)ger-than-life picture of Lapin Kulta -ad. It was muy caliente.

I enjoyed the trip. Sari was pretty extatic. Managed to read a few books (Oisin McGann: Gods and their Machines - good juvenile, Adam Roberts: Polystom - weird, but good, Liz Williams: Banner of Souls - Damned good!) and even to wrote down something maybe worth my while.

The best thing about the whole of trip was the stupefyingly out-of-mundane-existance one gets when you spend enough time in an environment where most of the things that you take for granted every day just suddenly cease to be there for you. Not that Levi (or is it really Sirkka?) is that out of touch from the Real World; they have a Hesburger and a netcafé and a spa etc. I just decided to have a private Jäniksen vuosi -experience for the heck of it.

And now my throat is troubling me, I'm running a mild fever and the hospital decided to delight me with a blood sample/CATscan for tomorrow/Wednesday. Sweet Saturnalia to you, too!